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  • Carmela Vecchione

Do you ever just... Don't?

Self-sabotaging is my “coping mechanism” when my impostor syndrome takes over my to-do list.


What does that mean?


Well, it’s Friday 6:48PM and here I am, finally tackling something I assigned myself for Thursday and have been procrastinating all the way to the very last minute. 


...


It's 8:06PM and I just came back to this after dinner and scrolling through social media. Why is it so hard sometimes? I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve been extremely addicted to TikTok (maybe you’ve seen a video or two of mine lip-syncing on our Instagram) and it has been my favorite way to kill time I should be using to be productive.


Yes, my favorite way of self-sabotage is procrastination.


Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals and values. When you do it, your mind may or may not be conscious about your behavior, avoiding a certain situation or task that prevents you from accomplishing your goals. As I said before, I usually do it when I don’t think I’m good enough or ready enough to tackle something. 


But there are other ways of self-sabotaging, like avoiding feelings with alcohol or drugs, or raising walls between you and a partner out of fear of getting hurt. Sometimes you’re stress eating when you’re trying to lose weight or even finding excuses not to go to the gym when really there isn’t any good reason to avoid it.


According to Nick Wignall, there’s no one reason why self-sabotage happens. I think self-sabotage is like a defense barrier our psyche turns to, eager to keep us in default mode. At some point in life, the self-sabotage might have been a behavior that “worked” for us - we got away with it. Then it became an unhealthy habit and just like a cheap trick, we wore it off. Now, guess what? We have to face ourselves. As cliche as it sounds, we only grow when we burst our comfort bubble. 


When I need a personal slap in the face, I make my best coffee (or drink), tune in my favorite playlist that keeps me focused (but not distracted), clear my mind and put my phone on "Do Not Disturb" Mode. Then just *effing* do it. It’s like ripping off a band-aid.


How do you get away from your self-sabotage urges?

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